This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. After coming back from a big vacation, I wanted to delve into my work head on, but felt so many vacation blues after coming back. I know in my head that I was supposed to work as I was approaching some deadlines. But, my body refused to work. I could not do any work no matter what I tried. I thought that something was wrong with me, I just needed to push myself harder. I even thought when everyone around me was doing work everyday why was I not able to do it.
This went on for 4 days and I started spiraling. I was able to do some basic tasks but nothing beyond that. No matter what I told myself I was not able to get myself to work. That is when I started leaning on God more. All this made me run to God. I knew I was so weak that only God’s strength could sustain me. Nothing apart from God can give me the strength to continue.
It started on the second night when I was trying to sleep. I would talk to God and ask him for his strength as I was weak and wanted to be with him. That is the time when I usually cannot control my overflowing thoughts and just talking to him made me mindful of my thoughts and gave me good sleep after a long long time.
I realized that the key I was missing was God. Being mindful and talking with God was something that helped me. Though doing that gave me some peace it did not completely change me overnight. I started just journaling to help me with my thoughts.
Things started changing on the 4th day when I started working on what I needed to get done both at home and work, without pushing myself. I was able to do the work as naturally as I would brush my teeth.
I was surprised when this happened, as I thought all this while that I had to do something and my will is not enough. But Thursday and Friday made me realize all the while it was not me, it was just those days. Though I believe that I can be lazy at times this week was not about me being lazy. Though I felt like that is all I was, when I was going through those days.
Contrary to my week my weekend was wonderful with some beautiful friends and fellowship. A lot of songs, carols and some wonderful food. I could not have asked for something better to spend my day. It was filled with God as well.
This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me with the highest of highs and lowest of lows, sustaining through everything with the strength and grace that only God could me.
This week made me realize that not by my strength but through him and only him that I can survive this life. Also that all these things in my life are here to bring me closer to God.
For it is [not your strength, but it is God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure. (Phillipians 2: 13)
Me & My Savior 